But for some of us, costumes and masks are a year-round concern, and have no festive feeling at all. We get scared that something is wrong with who we are, and so we carefully construct a "costume" and "mask" to hide behind, to give us safety from the judgment and rejection we fear will come from others. Regardless of how successful or attractive we might be, all of us feel vulnerable and have no desire to be stripped and revealed in our humanness unless we deliberately choose to do so.

For example, a friend of mine, who is a successful Hollywood actress, told me that each day when she prepares to go out into the world,

she carefully applies make-up and selects clothes that serve as her "suit of armor" against the scrutiny of the world.

A mask can be as simple a thing as a smile we show to everyone. "How am I? Why, just fine, thank you! Couldn’t be better!" – regardless of how we truly feel, inside. Have you ever felt yourself break into a smile that feels artificial and stiff as you pass and lock eyes with a stranger? And even noting how odd it is, on passing the next person, you find yourselves "smiling," again. It is a common thought among biologists that the smile originated as a sign of fear. They speak of a "fear grin" stemming from monkeys and apes that use lightly clenched teeth to let predators know that they are harmless. "Don’t hurt me! See how happy and non-aggressive I am?"

I use to notice that whenever I was around a male who had power – a policeman, for example – I would get that smile on my face and would alter my behavior to display my innocence. I would act out "Aren’t I cute? Aren’t I sweet? Don’t hurt me!" It actually used to bewilder and nauseate me, to be honest! I would be watching myself and thinking, "What on Earth am I doing? Stop it!" But I could not. For some reason, at that time unknown to me, I was afraid. It was not until I had explored my feelings towards men in power and was able to identify feelings I had as a child towards my father, that I was able to understand my behavior and shift my fear. (That is a whole other topic I will share with you another time!)

If we think of life as a fascinating experience in which we get the opportunity to learn about ourselves and others, and to grow into the fullness of being that is our birthright, then noticing our inexplicable behaviors, fears, insecurities and emotions merely lets us know that we have discovered an opportunity to enrich our lives by freeing ourselves from mystery and ignorance.

Imagine living by the assumption that nothing is wrong with you! That everything you do or feel is with good reason. You might not know the reason, but it is there, nonetheless! We each get the opportunity to play detective in our lives, taking clues and pursuing them until we find understanding and compassion for ourselves.

When I was invited to write the psychology column for Make You Happen, I was excited by the very title of this magazine, by the concept that it would be focusing on empowering readers to take charge of creating the unique Self we each long to be. We are at an amazing point in the development of human consciousness. We have learned that our feelings and what we want are important – that we each matter.

We have learned to question the "powers that be." We have learned that there is no single standard for what is right or good in the world. We have learned that each of us is special in a unique way, and we no longer have to fit into a one-size-fits-all mold. We know, even if it is hard to really get it down into our hearts, that there is no such thing as perfection.

And yet, it is still a big challenge to take off our masks and reveal our true selves to each other. But in taking that challenge, we can each help to change the world. We free ourselves from self-judgment ("Here I am, and there is nothing wrong with being just me, in all my humanness!") at the same time that we affirm the right we all have to exist exactly how we are ("There you are, and there is nothing wrong with being you, either.")

We will never fit or be a match with everyone. There are just too many styles of living and differences among us. But when we dare to take off our masks, we can really see each other, and we have a better chance to find those people who are right for us.

I always think about each of us being the sun inside our own solar system. Our job is to just shine and burn with the intensity of our own life force. Other planetary beings will zip by or sometimes collide with us, or will find their place around us, depending on who they are, and the pull of gravitational attraction between us – some quite near, and some quite far, but still there. It is not our job to control them, but to just shine in our own glory of being…and wait to see who shows up!